A Carnivorous Smurf for Kimmy Sue Hasenpfeffer
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A Carnivorous Smurf for Kimmy Sue Hasenpfeffer is the second story in chapter 9 of Sluggy Freelance, Return of the Holiday Seasons. Riff reveals to Gwynn that he has a date with Zoë (who has just decided not to date him). Consequently, he is beaten up by Gwynn, Zoë, and Torg. Bun-bun joins in purely for fun. Riff and Torg go to Crystal's bar, decide that they're through with women... and meet their first love again, Kimmy Sue Hasenpfeffer. Torg's and Riff's old rivalry regarding her reignites.

On the way to a second meeting between the three, Torg tells Kiki how the rivalry started in Junior High, where the two disagreed for whom Kimmy's boyfriend note was. They both decided to go the meeting, and arrive early. Riff had an artifact from his dad that can change objects into anything, and in a struggle, the two turned a bystander into a smurf that happens to be carnivorous. They had to flee from the Carnivorous Smurf, and with much luck, they lose it. However, by the time they returned, Kimmy was gone, having left an angry note. Riff then was forced to spend that Thanksgiving with his mother, so Torg went and met Kimmy Sue again, who told him that her family was moving to Canada to avoid a loanshark. During his Thanksgiving Dinner, Riff also found out that the artifact was out of charges.

Back in the present, Torg asks Kimmy who the note was for. Recalling an earlier quarrel between Riff and Torg, she claims she doesn't remember, and tells them she is now married and that she has an early flight, so she needs to leave. Riff decides he wants to find a way to recharge the artifact and turn his mom into a Teletubby.

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